Ode To A Bottom.

Ode to a Bottom (An Acrostic poem)


Noticed you whilst scrubbing a floor I admired your massive bottom Co’s frankly what is this life for? Earth, bottomless, would be rotten.

A wobble here a wobble there Round and perfectly augmented Should man deny himself this fare? Especially one so well presented.

Bill Harborne


Love On The NHS

We both wear masks in bed My wife and me as well Mine is for my apnea Hers for asthma sure as hell.

We look a right pair sat there Straps all round our heads Like two WW2 bomber pilots It often has been said.

Love On The NHS

Falling Cows Eat Into Profits

We built a farm up in the sky On a sky scraper would you believe? It was so very windy, being high With drawbacks we could not conceive.

The stupid cows for instance Kept dropping off the side They would walk into the distance […]

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Hubble Bubble

(Its not easy running a coven in the modern age, a poem for Halloween)

“Hubble bubble toil and….

Oh I forget what’s next.”

The old witch is pushed away.

The high priestess most vexed.

Hubble Bubble

The Masters Dying.

“Quick, quick, send for Doctor Dick, the Masters dying the Masters sick.” The chambermaid raced through the massive hall, Pantry maids, Butlers, heeded the call.

The Kitchen, hub of all things gossipy, preferring tit bits to the latest recipe. Soon heard the news that Master was poorly, […]

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Recommended accommodation

The tunnel leads to underground. Where a solid door was easily found. Inside old badger snored away. Beside a fire, he slept all day.

Above a gale blew hard and bitter. Snow touched branches all a glitter. Ponds frozen hard with ice a shimmer. Shadows grew long, […]

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Two Feet In The Grave (A diabetics lament)

I lost my feet some years ago They are buried n’eath a tree I visit them on Sundays When sometimes they speak to me.

We’re cold and lonely in this hole And frankly we blame you You ate that bloody cherry cake Not one slice but two!

I know, […]

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The Last Whale

The last whale. (A Villanelle)

I searched the seas and cried to no avail. My species now butchered for men’s greed. I am the last and only whale.

Are you happy now? My kind is doomed to fail, You’ve proved yourself superior, done the awful deed. I searched the […]

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Joey (RIP)


When I was eight they gave to me A budgie in a cage. Quite a responsibility For someone of my age.

A plucky little fella Joey was his name. I used to let him from his cage And we would play this game.

I would be a German […]

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The Dingoes Howled

A poem for Alan

As for the rest of you please adopt an Australian accent:

Me and my mate curly, Set out from Alice Springs. We got our tucker sorted. Water and some things.

We had a crate of Fosters. Best lager in the world. Curly […]

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