Since I am flying today, I've been checking up on the current restrictions for airport security and checking through my hand luggage for any stray items from previous trips.
All very logical, but I am certain that at least 2 people in the queue for security ahead of me will not have done.
I went to the Liverpool passport office yesterday. You now have to go through a metal detector on the way in. There's a long queue before the metal detector so you know whats coming well in advance. To pass the time you can read the notices advising you that if you joke about having a bomb you will get arrested.
So after 5 minutes of shuffling along to get to the metal detector, the prat in front of me gets to the front and suddenly realises that he might have to empty all 27 of his pockets and take the bag off his shoulder. Then he goes through the metal detector and sets it off anyway.
I set it off as well which is odd because I had gone through without setting it off the day before. But at least I had not wasted everyone else's time simply by doing 5 seconds of preparation while I was waiting.
You get the same in supermarkets as well of course. Its always been women as well in my experience. The blokes always have a wallet in hand before the start. But after shoving through 400 items (and packing 50 of them), there is a moment of stunned realisation that she might actually have to pay for this stuff. This means unearthing the handbag from underneath that two bags that she has actually got around to packing, then rummaging around in the 4 tons of assorted hankies and other crap to find the purse. Then there's the inevitable hunt for the last penny.
I go through, have my card in the PIN machine before the till jockey has finished announcing the total, telling them that I don't want cashback thanks, well before being asked and constantly packing while the machine farts around. By the time the receipt comes out, I have hold of everything and am itching to leave.
So here's some tips for airport security.
1) Empty your pockets into your bag or jacket BEFORE you go to the security point if you don't want to hear obscenities muttered behind you.
2) Take your bloody jacket off BEFORE you go to the security point. Its not rocket science.
3) Your passport and boarding pass should be in your hand, not at the bottom of your cavernous handbag. Yes those notices telling you to have those items to hand DO apply to YOU as well.
4) If your watch, belt, glasses or jewelry have ever set off a metal detector in the past, hows about taking them off this time?
If you are unwilling or unable to follow these simple instructions, kindly tell the security people that you are carrying a bomb. Then some helpful security types in rubber gloves will take you to a small room for a chat and get you the hell out of my way.
Airport security - doesn't affect my BG but it plays hell with my BP.
