My daughter was diagnosed a couple of years ago. She is now almost 17 and in the beginning she coped really well but now things are really bad. She never tests and will go days without injecting, she eats the wrong things and her weight is falling. She is a bright intelligent girl and knows the consequences but for some reasons still cant cope. I have finally been able to get counselling for her but am so worried at what she is doing to herself. She is very teary and doesnt know why she struggles with this so much. Anyone been through same thing, any advice ??

Thanx for listening

Emma

Hi Emma

Sorry to hear your daughter isn't coping.  I can't really give much advice on why she's having so much difficulty as I was not diabetic in my teens.  Other people here were and hopefully they will come along and give some advice.  However, I do know that sometimes teens use withdrawal of insulin as a means to lose weight, which can be indicative of an eating disorder.  Perhaps a word with her counsellor?

On the other hand if that's not it, perhaps she'd like to talk to other teenagers with diabetes.  There's a forum here http://forums.childrenwithdiabetes.com/forumdisplay.php?f=24 specially for teenagers to chat.  It's part of the childrenwithdiabetes.com website and as such I understand there's someone who does keep an eye on it.

Hi Emma,

I was diagnosed at 17, I was lucky in that my diabetes was fairly quickly brought under control and I coped but I know 2 other girls who were diagnosed in their teens who have had a harder time of it.

My diabetes centre had a dedicated young persons clinic and they arranged day events for people of a similar age to get together, does your local diabetes team offer anything like that?

It's a tugh age to be diabetic, when all your friends are going out drinking and eating what they want. Does she go to check ups on her own? See the doctor on her own? It can be frustrating if your Mum/Dad/relatives are constantly on at you, checking if you have tested or done your jabs, even though they only have your best interests at heart. Taking control is a big part of accepting your condition.

Maybe she could oin the forum and chat about how she feels about her diabetes, would that help?

Hello and welcome

Sorry your daugter is having such a hard time, but it is understandable.  The "why me" element of it is only human and must be much harder at that age when you just want to be the same as everyone else and not stick out from the crowd.

One thing I will say is that it almost sounds like she is in a vicious circle.  Having high blood glucose will bring about a general malaise - a cloud over you if you like - which gives you the feeling that nothing is quite right and at times borders on depression.  Of course, when you are sad/uncomfortable in your own skin/ depressed, the last thing you can be bothered with doing is looking after yourself.  And if you don't look after yourself the "not quite right" feeling continues and you're in a downwards spiral.

Obviously you have to walk that line between being supportive on one hand and not pushing her away on the other (she's a teenager after all!).  However, if there was any way to chat to her so she understands that she WILL feel better if she can get things under control, that actually part of the reason she feels so bad about it all is because her blood glucose levels are high and making her feel rotten.

Finally, I would also REALLY encourage the message that with a good basal/bolus regime there are no "wrong foods" (within reason).  It is perfectly possible for a T1 to have  good, normal diet - with its fair share of sweet things - provided you take the insulin to cover it.  Certainly that is a good starting position and although some may prefer to eat lower sugar and lower carbohydrate to achieve even better control, I think at this stage that is definitely the message she needs to hear.

Hi Emma

Welcome to the forum

oh Emma (((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

getting diabetes is NOT fair!

diabetes is NOT your fault!

being different from your peer group is NOT kewl!

testing and shooting is a pain in the a**, not to mention all the food issues!

iirc, when i was 17 i was having dinner, followed by a take out pizza.............thank goodness i wasn't diabetic at the time

please read the link in my sig file, and click on the link to Elisabetch Kubler-Ross's 5 stages of grief

i hope your daughter gets back on track, SOON, for her sake

oh, please tell her that i had been diabetic for 7 years when i found out i was preggers....... i was almost 38 when teenlet was born

Hi,

I was diagnosed when I was 12.  Again initially I coped pretty well with it.  By the time I left school though I had definately stopped caring about it.  I never skipped injections but I did eat and drink (when I got to Uni) pretty much anything I wanted and just never did a blood test so I wouldn't know what by bm was so I wouldn't panic!  I never filled in a blood testing diary and always cancelled my appointments at the hospital and when I got there would say I'd forgot my diary...again!!!!  They must have known as my hba1c was often about 10-12!  Luckily I married young and wanted a family so got bloods better by 23 years old but that was still over 10 years of being badly controlled.  Then after having Dan I have had periods of depression about it...and its strange, when I'm depressed I stop working at it!  Makes no sense as really you should think "right...come on lets get back on track" but I tend to think the opposite, "what's the point, I've been diabetic so long, I'm going to get horrific complications any day now and die young!"  You feel like its so unfair you got this as you'd done nothing wrong and don't deserve it.  I've just been through another bout of this myself.  I think its since having my girls I've panicked I won't be around to see them grow up!  

I've never seen anyone for how I've felt in the past and am sure I should have so I think the counselling will be brilliant!  Has she looked at this site.  Peopleon here like Richard who have been diabetic for many years with no real complications really gave me hope!  And not just Richard...many others on here.

There's more I could say but I'm in such a rush this morning so if you want to pm me about anything specific or you daughter can.  I'll checkpost again later.

Just finally...I've been diabetic 21/22 years now and have only minor retinopathy...no other complications and had Dan 8 and twins almost 2!  I've always had good jobs and I've just taken up running.  I'm sure she will be fine in the end.

Hi there, Patti pointed me in your direction, I usually only hang out in the pregnancy section! I was diagnosed at 3 and I think this was the best time, it must be so much worse to be diagnosed in your teens, at least I can't remember not being diabetic. I've had it for 25 years now, and like Claire all i've got in the way of complications is minor retinopathy and marks on my legs (necrobiosis lipoidica, pretty unusual and very minor). Until I was 25 and deciding to start a family (it works a treat but i probably wouldn't recommend this as an incentive to your daughter!) my HbA1c was rarely in single figures and I never got it below 8. So I know that it's not ideal but her poor control won't necessarily ruin her life. Apart from joining the army (and being a truck driver) there's not many things it'll stop her from doing. I spent 3 months in Tanzania on my year out (my parents took me round the world twice before I was 5 with diabetes), I go diving, had a fabulous time in uni, got married and am now pregnant with my second child.

As a teenager I ignored my control. I forgot injections but rarely more than 1 in a row, and did sporadic blood tests. But I never let it go completely. I think one problem was that when I went hypo it was just a good excuse to eat sweets, and when i went high I just felt a bit thirsty. Maybe if I went unconscious or into a coma I'd be more scared of it and try to avoid it more. My mother essentially handed over control to me at 16, although she still worried. They also let me have more freedom than my older brother and sister had had, for fear that i would rebel completely. So I was allowed out drinking much earlier and for longer times than my siblings (although neither of them were much into that in the first place). They didn't complain when I dyed my hair purple, as long as the bath wasn't too blue at the end of it, they didn't even complain when I said I wanted to do art as a GCSE alongside my more academic subjects, they had dissuaded my brother from that course!  And I'm sure all that helped, it certainly didn't hinder me (I did biology at Oxford and got a first).

I think that although there are obviously some exceptions, good control is very difficult to achieve in childhood. For a start, puberty makes it much more difficult (it's the hormones, something i know all about just now with the pregnancy!), secondly you are still getting used to it and there are so many other things you would rather be doing and thirdly no one can control your diabetes for you, you have to take charge (I still sometimes eat things I'm not allowed and hide it from my husband!) so if your daughter is not interested, however hard you are on her it won't achieve perfect control. The goal is damage limitation, until they're in their 20s and decide to take it over themselves.

Not sure if any of this is useful, please don't get disheartened by it, it isn't your fault.

Clare

well wow this is a tricky one im guessing maybe i can help a litttle here im 22 and i suppose i've just come out the other side of all this. i was diagnoised when i was 7, and boy did i rebel in my teens. your daughter aside i know its very hard on you i've seen it written all over my moms face so many times. when i got diagnoised i thought she was acting a bit funny. but know looking back i realise it really did break a part of her and she was just getting by i dont think you could even say she was taking it day by day. and my point is she put on this facade that she was coping for my sake. needless to say she wasnt. in my teens however i really was a nightmare i'd binge drink at least twice a week. id generally do all my injections but looking back not the correct doses. i also hardly eat anything something like 1 meal a day. and you'd be lucky to get me to do a few blood tests in a week. iv also had problems with depression since i was 14/15 on and off.i think between the end of high school and the start of college something really changed for me with my diabettes. its almsot like i was in denial and like i became total desensatised from my diabettis. in a way it was like i wanted to see how farr i could push it, how normal i could be. because everyone around me got really drunk an had a good time and eat rubbish food when they wanted. and in a way wheather your diabettic or not as a teen you live for the moment. unfortunatly i think in alot of clinics up and down the country being a diabettic teenager is glazed over. there just dusnt seem to be alot of support for teens out there. You know i'd eat my shoe if you could willing get a teen to go to a meeting and chat to other diabettics about there control. i think your safest bet in this is to find out as much as you can, look on the internet try some books see if you can go see a specalist nure or dietican on your own so you can find all the facts. maybe this way when your daughter starts being kinder on herself your there to help put her back together again and on the right path. you know still to this day my mom being very overprotective with me, that as soon as i dont feel too great in myself she'll jump up and take over and thats not always what i need most of the time its for someone to understand what im saying and to be there for me. unfortunatly theres no such thing as those books for diabettis they show you when you go to the dentist of horrible out comes of not brushing your teeth. so theres no real way to confront her of the damage she could be doing. however i do remeber what my mom used to do to me when i hadnt taken my insulin. she would insist on dragging to a&e so in the end i would do my injections for some peace. hope this helps cant type anymore sorry minds gones numb good luck

The snag about that one Izzy is, unfortunately in a case like this, it's awfully difficult for a 'carer' to gain access to the people they need.  Especially WITHOUT the patient .....

I'd be fuming in any case if I ever found out my husband did or mother had tried to do that, wouldn't you>  

BUT I don't see why hospital clinics couldn't have a 'supporters' evening (or morning or afternoon) every so often for education purposes where the experts are more or less only available to talk to the supporters - so the patients aren't really invited.  You know, 'Living with a person who has diabetes? Want to know more about the condition? Come along to .... and talk to the specialists'

Whereas the comment by either, 'Ooh I've been invited to the hospital to this thing they are doing, it sounds really interesting' would (probably) only provoke the response, 'Hope you do find out more - and enjoy it!' (and questions about who was running it and whether it was for the right sort of diabetic 'carers', not being snobby but if it's either full of people who don't already realise there's carb in full-fat coke and not in diet coke, or so-called experts who are only equipped to teach that much - then in truth it's going to be a bit of a waste of time for my nearest and dearest!)

Again someone else here who coped well to start with. I milked it for all it was worth. excuse to get out of lessons i didnt like, 'oh i dont fell well, send me home' and things. although being raised around diabetes, i didnt see it as a problem, or 'a disease'
BTW, i was 15 att, and we got more info and help with me being diagnosed then when my mom did.
The noveltey has worn off now though. And i admit i had a rough patch. had my insulin, not enough food and then proceded to down half a bottle of JD and half a bottle of vodka. Needless to say, that was a wake up call.
I still despise the hospital, and since telling them where to shove it a few times, we have come to an agreement.  Its all about compromise when it comes to teenagers. lol.
Anywho as a few have suggested, show your daughter this site.